Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
