Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
