I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize