We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
