Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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