I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
