He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize