do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
