The brown eye won't let me do that either.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
