Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
ugly people sure do ruin things
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
