I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
