Im at strip club and am horny
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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