I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
