btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
