community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize