Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
