i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
