it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize