what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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