your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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