In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
