i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
