and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
