Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
