Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
