He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
People in love make me want to vomit
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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