The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
