you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
