Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
