Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
