Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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