Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You may now shotgun with the bride
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
