so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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