She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
