Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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