WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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