Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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