Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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