It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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