thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
