Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
