guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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