i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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