you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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