yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
