you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
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