i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
