What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
