She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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