so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
