What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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