dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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