is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Randomize
