Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
