Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
