I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Randomize
