She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
