You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize