dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
