You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
