you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I'm really busy with my period
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