he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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