Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
