Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
