im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
